Making Friends with Children

I moved up to Scotland when I was 25 only knowing my husband and having had a few meetings with some of his family and 2 of his friends. I made friends when I moved up here through work, however I rarely met up with them outside of work. It was only when I had my children that I began to make strong friendships within the areas I lived.
Join Groups

Through my experience it appears like you need to join a breast feeding support group to make friends, however any group where Mums, babies and toddlers congregate will provide opportunities to make friends. Local libraries and health centres will have leaflets and posters advertising groups in your area. Making friends may not happen straight away, you may need to go to the group a number of times. I also find that some groups are not as friendly as others, so it will be some trial and error. Remember though, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I have lived in 2 different areas with each of my maternity leaves. I apprehensively went to the Breast Feeding Group, with my 1^st child as I really needed the breast feeding support, however after attending a few sessions I made a few close friends.  My group of friends soon grew to 5 when I started going to another Mother and Baby group in my area.

I lived in a different area when I had my 2^nd child and after such a positive experience in making friends through the support group with my 1^st child I decided to go to one in my new area. Disappointingly I did not find it easy to make friends who were wanting to continue a friendship outside the breast feeding group, but this did not deter me. I had heard about an afternoon group called Yummy Mummys offering tea, cake and a chat with the children. Sounded perfect and I was right to go along. I now have 4 close friends in the area I currently live in.

I live 17 miles away from the area where I made my first group of friend but I regularly meet up with both sets of friends with and without the children. I value their friendship and this has made living away from my family easier.

　

Make the first move

Do not be shy, I know this is easier said than done. There will be many Mums out there who want to make friends. Most of my close friends have lived in the area that they have had their child for many years and already had close friends, however they too wanted friends with children of similar age. So if you get on well with someone at a group invite them to yours for a coffee, or suggest meeting up at the park, or going out to the local café for a coffee and a cake.

With my first child I met up with my friends 2 to 3 times a week, either going for a walk, having a coffee round at my house or over at their house. It was a fantastic time and we still meet up regularly 4 years on.

I also meet up at least every 2 to 3 weeks with the friends I have made with my 2^nd child, we take it in turns to host a wine and nibble night, where the husband of the host acts as a taxi home. I also try and attend the weekly Mums group, however what with working, nursery and household commitments this does not always happen. The good thing is that there is always a wine night to look forward to and sometimes we organise a family day with the husbands and children.

Barriers to Friendships

For me there are a few reasons that make keeping friends hard.

• Time: When I was on maternity leave, time was not an issue, I could nearly always make time to get to a mums group, invite people round or meet up with people at their house or at a local soft play. I now find time a major issue, I work 3 days a week and find the 2 weekdays that I am off work filled with spending some quality time with the children, taking and picking up my little boy from nursery, housework and taking my 4 year old to swimming as well as other things such a trip to the Dentist.
• Tidy House: The biggest hindrance for me was thinking that my house had to be immaculate, which I found hard to do with a baby and then a toddler and baby. Just remember that everyone is different and if they have children, they will understand if there is toy mess around the house. I must admit I still stress about cleaning and tidying the house prior to people visiting but wish I was more relaxed about it as I know that none of my friends would judge me.

I have a mixture of friends who work and who do not and we all have other commitments so it is important that you try and make time to keep up friendships. They form such as important part in life and helps to keep sanity, especially when children, husbands and life in general puts you to the test. Friends are there to listen to you, to be listened to and to give support and advice. It is also a way to share baby stories from pregnancy, birth and funny moments as it is these friends that will appreciate your stories.